A Proposal

A Proposal

Wrapped in innocence of translucence,

The stream of innocence sooths the eyes;

The heart remains the opaque bed-

Coloured in whatever arches over

Or when a hurried stream violates the tranquility of

Silt, Shit, stones and treacherous thorns.

Come my love,

You can sit on the side,

Admire my beauty,

And feel the tranquility.

Come my love,

Gaze into my flow,

Feeling it rush into your body

And burning you into orgasm.

Come my love,

Just jump inside me,

Slithering through the facades,

And you will find my true love.

Love that is unpretentious, honest, savage.

Love that is ravenous, fulfilling and hollowing.

Love that will lead us to transcendence.

My love, join me in my love of decadence!

It is right underneath that translucent stream of my ‘gentleness’.  

Love

Sometimes,

Staring down the dark abyss,

I want you to hold my hand,

And fall with me as I am getting sucked in.

Sometimes,

It is not love,

Nor is it self-preservation,

But a mere manifestation of my naked desire-

The desire to mate us in an unknown,

Filling that darkness with orgasmic fear,

Discovering the most hideous

That makes me

And unmakes you.

Come dear,

It is time for another love. 

An apology

The dark blood,

Pigmentation of betrayal and guilt,

Oozing through the cracks of charred heart,

Dripping through the eyes, blinds me to you.

The minstrels of misery,

Creating the cacophony of my callousness,

Gnawing upon my charred heart with disgusting deliciousness,

Hollowing me from inside, empty me of you.

Your vision,

Still pierced in my imagination,

Wrapping my imagination in turbulent vacuity,

Whirling me insane, pulls me away from you.

Now come you and haunt me insane,

Send horrid apparitions to tear me apart,

Smoulder me in the burning coals of my deeds,

Smother me with the hollowness of my words…

Hate me; yes you hate me.

Despise me; yes despise me to the bones.

Please so that I can still hold on to you.

my lost love

The longing of lovelorn heart,

Refusing to be lulled with lullabies of lies

Cries in guilt

Pierced with the shards of shattered feelings

Holds to those dreams

That hold the mirror to memories-

Of moments that cannot be erased.

Dreams come

Memories come alive

Heart twitches and twists

It knows it can be only dream

The fingers fro which love slipped away

The slippery tint of betrayal still lingers there

Still I crave for those moments

Still crave for that love

The love that I killed by not embracing

Now I embrace her in my dreams

My lost love

in the dark of night
a shadow moves
almost creepin
nd whispers
you know me
i see the cracks
gore creeping out
from the dragging feet
i know well
the horror welled
nd looking at the faint moon
i wish to dissolve into dark
i had buried you
i protest and i whine

tear love

Tear love













You never told
The wet ends of your eyes
Made by love charred heart’s smoke
The cracks and the peeping
Unfulfilled hopes
And that sobbing laughter’s
That makes the illusion of intoxication
Story.
From the depth of separation
Your cries
In poetic-mansion they put in decoration
And say how special is
Your teary love.

(translation of a self written Hindi poem “ashru prem”.)

confab

Love
“Dear Disha,
I hope this letter reaches you and finds you in great comfort. I am knocking the blind doors in the furnace of my inconsequential repentance. I tried hard not to bother you. I can imagine the condition you may be in. But all proved futile. I can not convince myself of itself. That stormy night drained myself out of me. My predicament is that I can not blame anyone but myself for all that. I find myself unable to love me without you being my soul. But I am not a stone hearted murderer who kills his soul first and then other lives. Think me as a fool. I broke the pearl to test its purity. And now the broken pieces have scattered and lost. They are still shining. I did not see the beauty; I was examining its worth. I admit that I was an undeserving fool. But think of the punishment. The pieces are still shining. I am craving for them. But they have stuck with my shadow. My shadow that always follows me in the light but deserts me in the moments of darkness. I search for the pearl pieces. I crave for some light. But it has gone with the shadow. The shadow that is believed to be inseparable. Whom to blame! The pearl pieces or the shadow! Neither is wrong. It was just a moment. The moment possessed me and see what it has done. I lost you, I have lost myself. And now I want to hold it and turn it back. But its slippery form doesn’t allow me any grasp. Hope has kept me alive. Hope makes me desperate. Hope gives me the fear of hopelessness. See what life has become. Treading a dreary path, carrying the immense burden of betrayal. But I was just too ignorant to know the consequences. What else one can expect from someone who learns ‘love’ as a word! Since the childhood days I have seen love in its material manifestation. Mother loved with food. Father loved with other things. Some one else with something else. But every time this love appeared as something. How could I have known it if love never appeared before me as itself? I knew the icons of love. I understood the icons but missed the love. For me a hearty bye was love. For me a meticulously prepared dinner was love. For me a kiss and return kiss was love. See I knew all the conventions. Only I missed the love. I was ignorant of love. Disha, I have spent my life in the poverty of opulence. Every corner filled with something. Every side decorated with something. Every emptiness filled with a new gift. I never grew up but remained a child. And suddenly one day the child started feeling a lack that made him to grow. He was told that this emptiness is just too personal. His search began. His search for love. Only love can get love. But how love is exchanged! Through gifts. Through cards. These were the only methods I knew. Archie’s was my angel of love. Nirulas and McDonalds were the temples of romance. A night long stay was the acme of love. And then if I felt any emptiness, I lit a cigarette. I still don’t know whether it was just a myth or some truth. Post-sex cigarette took me to the height where I felt floating. For me that was the best experience of love. There were different episodes but meaning remained the same. But that night has changed my world. an Emptiness has engulfed my whole existence. You have made me to realize love. And once knowing this true love has nullified all the love I got so far. My whole existence seems vacuous. What had filled all the emptiness in my life was nothing but illusion, lie, deception. Now I want to substantiate myself with true love. Love that you have taught me. Please come back and be my guru, my path and my companion. See the bee is still around that lotus. Flying around. Dancing and singing the dirge of his lost beloved. He has understood the true meaning of love. It goes beyond the material existence. Love has an existence of its own. Love is the space of immortality. love is an eternal celebration of itself. I entreat you to put me through any expiation and cleanse the stains. Lead me to that celebration of love and together we will compose new harmonies and fresh celebrations. We will row together the dinghy into the depth of the never ending ocean. Let eternity be our destiny. Through the rising tides, sailing beyond it. Liberate me from the slavery of the shore. From the chains that I always believed to be my anchor. Saturated with the nectar of your love I want to sail free. Give me at least one drop and let me fuse myself with that, with you, with love. Sailing from this momentary and incomplete shore to the eternal and complete horizon, we will realize our oneness. I want to experience that oneness with love. See destiny awaits us.
Waiting for you,
The culprit of your love
The child of your love
The seeker of your love